Spiritual warfare is real. Daily, I walk on to my school's campus and find myself encountering various extreme dynamics of it. The sensual and impudent attitude displayed throughout my campus overwhelms me as I fight to stay above water in my walk with my Christ. But it is easy to feel like your drowning when only your head is above water. In brief moments you feel yourself submerge. You didn't mean to. And you wish you could take the sin back, but you cannot. I feel this way moment by moment at my campus. I have to consciously pull myself above the water to walk with my Lord. He knows my struggle and He is here to take my hand.
This summer, as Peter did, I cried out to God "Lord, if it is you tell me to come to you on the water." He replied a simple, "Come." I stepped out of my boat of safety and comfort where I could walk around as I pleased and stepped on the wavey, inconsistent water. I got to school and I noticed how hard it was out here, how difficult this walk would be, how strong the wind was and I was afraid, as Peter was. I began to sink. I cried out "LORD! Save Me!" And as always so faithfully, my Lord reached out His and caught me.
As I stand next to my Lord glad to be securely at His side, He looks at me with sad eyes saying, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" (excerpts from Matthew 14:27-31).
To this, I have no good reply. I stand here in the middle of the rocky lake weeping and shaking in my Father's arms. "Daddy, I don't know what to do. I keep loosing focus. I keep messing up. Please, Daddy, take me out of here so that I will no longer tarnish Your perfect name."
He wipes the tears from my eyes and says, "who are you to tarnish MY PERFECT name?"
I sit and listen. "He who has ears to hear, let him hear" (Matthew 11:15). I whimper softly. "This is not dependent on you, my love. This is ME. This is all for MY glory. You have nothing to do with it. You are my imperfect child just as they are."
"Oh Lord, let me do YOUR WILL!!!!"
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