Oh my Lord!!!! Oh LORD! Look at me. Like, how can You possibly love me! I have so much work to do! And I'm wasting time with all the things I am fighting to hold on to! Oh Lord! Where do I begin!?!?!?!?
That was my reaction around 8am this morning as I finished up my quiet time. I felt so unworthy of all my Lord has offered me. I mean, look at me. Sure I'm told I'm pretty and all that but physical has never mattered to God. He doesn't even see the things I bring to the table physically. He looks at my HEART. EK! "WARNING: What you are about to see may be graphic and is not intended for human comprehension!" That is the label that covers the entry way of my heart. My heart is deceptive and dangerous. Initially, this 5th chapter of Ephesians struck great fear in me.
Verses 1 and 2 I could vibe with. "Ok, I can do my best to imitate God and offer myself as an offering to Him." Then I read the following words:
"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." -Ephesians 5:3
Well SNAP! Not a HINT. Do you understand what a hint is?!?!?! It’s smaller than a dash! That means no jokes, no giggles, no references, no suggestions, no sensuality, no sexy this or sexy that. Like woah. Sure, all these things are ok in marriage but outside of marriage...not so much. I mean, well man, God, how do I do THAT?! And I understand that I am human, and I am prone to mess up. I am far from legalistic or judgmental of other people. However, this verse made me think. And I mean made me THINK. It was the first time I had become FULLY aware on my own time with the Lord how much work I had to do in the area of sexuality. Yes, I live a life of sexual purity (or so I thought), but God calls us to MORE than just physical purity or even the basic mental purity. But He calls us to not have a HINT. Simply the basics intimidate me still.
Lord, I know that I am not here yet. That is clear and certain. I honestly don't know how I'll ever get to that kind of perfection. But I thank You for seeing me in that perfect light despite my humanity. Lord, help me get as close to this standard as possible. As always I love You.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
All Rise for Judge Grace
You know those days when you just are tired of being who you are? Not in a life hatred kind of way but in a way of just wanting to be someone else for a while. You wake up and ask "God why did You make me, me?" or "Lord, why am I this way?" or maybe "God, why do I make stupid decisions?" even. Well, this wasn't one of those days.
Monday morning I woke up ready to go to class and excited about it, in fact. I read from Galatians this week and when I started it I was excited because the last time I had read that book was at Impact VA Beach summer project 2007. We did an in depth study and my group actually focused on chapter 6. I confess I had never actually finished reading the entire book or even the entire chapter but the final project we did to present it was fun. So when I began reading I was ready.
Slowly, I realize this was not the book I remembered. Orange is the color I highlight in when I have question or think what Paul wrote just sounds off the wall and I found my Bible chiefly marked in my high school colors orange and black between the highlighter and the pen writing me questions and comments. When I would look back I got frustrated and then stopped highlighting at all for a chapter. I felt very at peace with my Lord, but frustrated with Paul. There were moments I just wanted to scream because he seems to contradict himself a great deal. I understood the point he was trying to make about being dead to the law through Christ but in 6:4, for example, Paul talks about taking pride in oneself. I may have misunderstood this statement but it truly did sounds like he was encouraging pride when he said that none should boast. I kind of smile when in 5:12 Paul's voice clearly comes out with his frustration with those who preached circumcision. Over all I found myself frustrated and unfulfilled by this book as I finished it today.
As I sat thinking about how I felt like I should have just skipped this book I realized this: my God is perfect. I was struggling to see why this book was so key, it seemed as though the same point could have been made in a few verses. But I realized the entire book was necessary. We are a stubborn people and I know I am extremely stubborn. As Christians we are also prone to legalistic behavior. Yes, there are things to bring about growth in your walk with Christ like going to Church, gathering with fellow believers and having quiet times with the Lord but where in the Bible does it say those things are required to have a relationship with Christ? I mean, yes "a wise man listens to advise" (Proverbs 12:15). But when did God give us the power as imperfect humans to judge who is and is not saved.
One of my good friends recently realized that despite my failures and struggles I was serious about my walk with the Lord. She went on to say, "Man, I hope you don't try to push the Bible on to me." I laughed and explained to her that I would keep encouraging her to get to know the Lord but "pushing the Bible" was never my thing, which is true, because I know what that is like and I remember how it had the opposite effect for me. Then I thought about how maybe her real fear was that I would become judgmental of her actions. But that is not the walk Christ calls us to. He calls us to a merciful walk of love. We share the gospel through our lives because we love the people around us. Not forcing anything on anyone or being judgmental in anyway.
Oh! Lord, teach me to do this! Judgment is so much more natural to my sinful nature. Lord, please help me not to grow weary in doing good. Finally, "may I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." -Galatians 6:14
Monday morning I woke up ready to go to class and excited about it, in fact. I read from Galatians this week and when I started it I was excited because the last time I had read that book was at Impact VA Beach summer project 2007. We did an in depth study and my group actually focused on chapter 6. I confess I had never actually finished reading the entire book or even the entire chapter but the final project we did to present it was fun. So when I began reading I was ready.
Slowly, I realize this was not the book I remembered. Orange is the color I highlight in when I have question or think what Paul wrote just sounds off the wall and I found my Bible chiefly marked in my high school colors orange and black between the highlighter and the pen writing me questions and comments. When I would look back I got frustrated and then stopped highlighting at all for a chapter. I felt very at peace with my Lord, but frustrated with Paul. There were moments I just wanted to scream because he seems to contradict himself a great deal. I understood the point he was trying to make about being dead to the law through Christ but in 6:4, for example, Paul talks about taking pride in oneself. I may have misunderstood this statement but it truly did sounds like he was encouraging pride when he said that none should boast. I kind of smile when in 5:12 Paul's voice clearly comes out with his frustration with those who preached circumcision. Over all I found myself frustrated and unfulfilled by this book as I finished it today.
As I sat thinking about how I felt like I should have just skipped this book I realized this: my God is perfect. I was struggling to see why this book was so key, it seemed as though the same point could have been made in a few verses. But I realized the entire book was necessary. We are a stubborn people and I know I am extremely stubborn. As Christians we are also prone to legalistic behavior. Yes, there are things to bring about growth in your walk with Christ like going to Church, gathering with fellow believers and having quiet times with the Lord but where in the Bible does it say those things are required to have a relationship with Christ? I mean, yes "a wise man listens to advise" (Proverbs 12:15). But when did God give us the power as imperfect humans to judge who is and is not saved.
One of my good friends recently realized that despite my failures and struggles I was serious about my walk with the Lord. She went on to say, "Man, I hope you don't try to push the Bible on to me." I laughed and explained to her that I would keep encouraging her to get to know the Lord but "pushing the Bible" was never my thing, which is true, because I know what that is like and I remember how it had the opposite effect for me. Then I thought about how maybe her real fear was that I would become judgmental of her actions. But that is not the walk Christ calls us to. He calls us to a merciful walk of love. We share the gospel through our lives because we love the people around us. Not forcing anything on anyone or being judgmental in anyway.
Oh! Lord, teach me to do this! Judgment is so much more natural to my sinful nature. Lord, please help me not to grow weary in doing good. Finally, "may I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." -Galatians 6:14
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