This morning I got in a slightly heated conversation with one of my best friends regarding how attractive a male I used to be with is. She said something about a male's company and I answered that sometimes I missed that about him and she replied that he was ugly though. After I woke up fully and realized that I was upset by this, I told her I didn't want her to say that anymore. She asked why and I explained that it was exhausting hearing it from everyone when I already know it and I can't change the past. She replied that she'd stop but she just couldn't relate because no one she talked to she thought was ugly. I was not surprised at this but disagreed with it because one male in particular stood out to me as a nice body but generally very unattractive. I responded that I didn't think he was at the time either. I have the feeling she may have got the message, but I'll never know. It is not my responsibility to teach her that lesson. I walked way from my phone and, since I was already up, went to have my quiet time.
Today I read 2 Corinthians 11:16-33. It was funny because as I was reading I realized it related directly to the conversation I had just had. Paul talks about how the Corinthians tolerated a lot of mess from people, "fools." My initial response to verse 16 was "oh heck naw, you wanna use this as an excuse to boast too?!" because Paul talks about them receiving him as a fool, therefore, him boasting like a fool. But as he continues to preface his comments he points out that the Corinthians have put up with so much more. "In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or pushes himself forward or slaps you in the face." I realized God was speaking directly to my situation, so it was time for me to sit down and shut up.
This close friend had become that person that I tolerated with an open hand. Yes, we tolerate a lot of things in good, healthy friendships, but here are limits to everything. A friend should support, both ways, and I realized that, emotionally, I had made more sacrifices for her. She tore me down on several levels. If I was wearing something that was more sporty or if I talked to someone who was not as attractive as me. I had tolerated all this but not tolerated the emotional struggles that God has been forcing me to face with my past.
As Paul went on in verse 22 I began to relate even more to the passage. Paul sounded angry, point blank. He seemed to be tired of being discredited. This is exactly how I've been feeling lately, as if Christians and non-Christians have been discrediting me; either for my short comings or for my "perfect" life. Even now as I type I am moved by Paul's transparency (which some may view as a weakness of this passage, as I initially did) in his frustrations of being ignored and discredited for his work in Christ Jesus.
Finally, verse 29 screamed to me. "Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?" Oh! This was the first time I truly realized that the men of the Bible were indeed human. This is EXACTLY how I feel. I am weak and I inwardly burn. Oh Lord! I am not worthy of Your greatness! I am but a humble servant, weak and burning. I struggle daily to do Your will, my Lord. I struggle moment by moment to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Your will! Lord, please give me the strength to be Your servant. Stifle this burning in me. I love You, Lord. Thank You.
No comments:
Post a Comment