You know those days when you just are tired of being who you are? Not in a life hatred kind of way but in a way of just wanting to be someone else for a while. You wake up and ask "God why did You make me, me?" or "Lord, why am I this way?" or maybe "God, why do I make stupid decisions?" even. Well, this wasn't one of those days.
Monday morning I woke up ready to go to class and excited about it, in fact. I read from Galatians this week and when I started it I was excited because the last time I had read that book was at Impact VA Beach summer project 2007. We did an in depth study and my group actually focused on chapter 6. I confess I had never actually finished reading the entire book or even the entire chapter but the final project we did to present it was fun. So when I began reading I was ready.
Slowly, I realize this was not the book I remembered. Orange is the color I highlight in when I have question or think what Paul wrote just sounds off the wall and I found my Bible chiefly marked in my high school colors orange and black between the highlighter and the pen writing me questions and comments. When I would look back I got frustrated and then stopped highlighting at all for a chapter. I felt very at peace with my Lord, but frustrated with Paul. There were moments I just wanted to scream because he seems to contradict himself a great deal. I understood the point he was trying to make about being dead to the law through Christ but in 6:4, for example, Paul talks about taking pride in oneself. I may have misunderstood this statement but it truly did sounds like he was encouraging pride when he said that none should boast. I kind of smile when in 5:12 Paul's voice clearly comes out with his frustration with those who preached circumcision. Over all I found myself frustrated and unfulfilled by this book as I finished it today.
As I sat thinking about how I felt like I should have just skipped this book I realized this: my God is perfect. I was struggling to see why this book was so key, it seemed as though the same point could have been made in a few verses. But I realized the entire book was necessary. We are a stubborn people and I know I am extremely stubborn. As Christians we are also prone to legalistic behavior. Yes, there are things to bring about growth in your walk with Christ like going to Church, gathering with fellow believers and having quiet times with the Lord but where in the Bible does it say those things are required to have a relationship with Christ? I mean, yes "a wise man listens to advise" (Proverbs 12:15). But when did God give us the power as imperfect humans to judge who is and is not saved.
One of my good friends recently realized that despite my failures and struggles I was serious about my walk with the Lord. She went on to say, "Man, I hope you don't try to push the Bible on to me." I laughed and explained to her that I would keep encouraging her to get to know the Lord but "pushing the Bible" was never my thing, which is true, because I know what that is like and I remember how it had the opposite effect for me. Then I thought about how maybe her real fear was that I would become judgmental of her actions. But that is not the walk Christ calls us to. He calls us to a merciful walk of love. We share the gospel through our lives because we love the people around us. Not forcing anything on anyone or being judgmental in anyway.
Oh! Lord, teach me to do this! Judgment is so much more natural to my sinful nature. Lord, please help me not to grow weary in doing good. Finally, "may I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." -Galatians 6:14
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